Amusing True Court Stories | Jo Tempest

Amusing True Court Stories

Sometimes we just need to read something that can make us at least giggle, but better still laugh out loud.

When I read these, I just had to share them with you so make my day, laugh away and remember they are all from TRUE court records!

 

Attorney…………………..The youngest son is 20 years old, how old is he?

Witness…………………….He’s 20 , much like your IQ!

 

 

Attorney……………………….Were you present when your picture was taken?

Witness…………………………Are you sh……g me? 

 

Attorney……………………Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

Forensic Pathologist…….The autopsy started around 8.30pm.

Attorney…………………………And Mr Denton was dead at that time?

Forensic Pathologist……If not, he was by the time I had finished! 

 

Attorney………………………Now Doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep,

he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

Doctor……………………Did you actually pass your Bar Exam? 

 

Attorney…………………What gear were you in at the moment of impact?

Witness…………………..Gucci, sweats and Reebocks. 

 

Attorney…………………Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition

notice which I sent to your Attorney?

Witness………………….No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 

 

Attorney……………….. What was the last thing your husband said to you that morning?

Witness………………….He said, “Where am I ,Cathy?”

Attorney………………..And why did that upset you?

Witness………………….My name is Susan! 

 

Attorney………………..How was your first marriage terminated?

Witness…………………By death.

Attorney……………….And by who’s death was it terminated?

Witness…………………Take a guess!

  

Attorney……………….Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead

people?

Doctor…………………..All of them, the live ones put up too much of a fight! 

 

Attorney………………..Can you describe the individual?

Witness…………………He was about medium height and had a beard.

Attorney……………….Was this a male or a female?

Witness…………………Unless the circus was in town, I’m going for male! 

 

Attorney………………..Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

Doctor……………………No.

Attorney………………..Did you check for blood pressure?

Doctor……………………No.

Attorney………………..Did you check for breathing?

Doctor……………………No.

Attorney………………..So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

Doctor……………………No.

Attorney……………….How can you be so sure, Doctor?

Doctor…………………..Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.

Attorney……………….I see, but could the patient have been still alive, never the less?

Doctor…………………..Well yes, it’s possible that he could have been alive and practicing law! 

 

Attorney……………….She had 3 children, right?

Witness…………………Yes.

Attorney………………..How many were boys?

Witness…………………None.

Attorney………………..Were there any girls?

Witness………………….Your honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 

 Well, I hope these have given you at least a giggle, and I think the last one just about sums up the thinking of most of the witnesses above! This wonderful collection came from a fun book called Disorder in the American Courts and I am sure it would be worth reading the rest of the stories. It is always said that fact is often crazier than fiction! 

 Jo Tempest.

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